One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab.
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
i want a bf :/
and by bf i mean Benjamin Franklin as in a 100 dollar bill
my hobbies include eating and complaining that i’m getting fat
*gasp* SANTA CAME!!!!!…*looks closer* all over the presents what the fuck santa
a strip club but instead of naked women its cute dogs that you give dog treats to for them to do tricks
- *guy ignores me*
- me: jus wait till my selfies drop
i need to get fucked by something other than my life
when you’re just about to fall asleep and nature’s like
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
if u don’t think i am a princess that’s embarrassing for you